From our Counsellor: Parent guide to helping kids with Negative Self-talk
Social story: When My Thoughts Feel Mean
Sometimes my brain says mean things to me. It might say things like “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do this,” or “I always mess up.” These thoughts can feel big, loud, or heavy, and sometimes make my body feel tight, worried, or sad.
Everyone’s brain says mean things sometimes. It doesn’t mean they are true. It just means my brain is feeling stressed, tired, or overwhelmed.
My brain has two voices:
The Unhelpful Voice: This voice shows up when things feel hard. It tries to warn me, but it sounds mean.
The Helpful Voice: This voice is calm and kind. It helps me learn and try again.
I can learn to listen to the Helpful Voice. When the unhelpful voice shows up, I can pause and say: “That’s just a thought. I don’t have to believe it.” Then I can choose a helpful thought like “I can try again” or “I’m still learning.”
My body can help me feel calm too. I can take slow breaths, stretch, squeeze a pillow, or take a short break. I am not my thoughts—thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky.
Every time I choose a helpful thought, my brain gets stronger. I deserve kindness—especially from myself.
Parent Guide: Supporting a Child with Negative Self-Talk
- Validate Before Fixing
When your child says something negative, respond gently first: “That sounds really hard.” Connection comes before correction.
- Externalise the Negative Voice
Help your child see the thought as separate from them: “Sounds like the unhelpful voice showed up.”
- Teach Helpful Replacement Thoughts
Offer simple alternatives such as “I can try again,” “Everyone makes mistakes,” or “I’m learning every day.”
- Model Self-Compassion
Say things like “Oops, I made a mistake. That’s okay—I’ll try again.” Children learn through observation.
- Use Body-Based Calming Tools
Help regulate the body: deep breathing, movement, sensory tools, hugs, or quiet breaks.
- Celebrate Effort
Shift focus from outcomes to effort: “I love how hard you tried.”
- Create a Thought Shift Routine
Notice → Name → Breathe → Choose a helpful thought → Try again.
- Provide a Supportive Environment
Avoid criticism or pressure. Gentle tone and guidance help reduce shame.
- Revisit the Social Story Often
Repeating the story builds confidence and strengthens new thinking patterns.
When to Seek Support If negative self-talk is daily, intense, or impacts functioning, consider therapeutic support.